Rabbi Simpson

Uncharacteristically Dave had a Barry moment tonight, when he first arrived at ma hoose his answer to the question "Got any Hash?" was "just a wee bit."
Later in the evening when the local dealer was called I was informed that he was 'all oot' because Simps had just been round and taken it all. - Sneaky Bastard.

There are obvious reasons why Simps' has been described as Jewish.

However, his generosity has never been in question until now. Was his apparent selfless behaviour just more well timed sneaky Yiddish acts to hide his true Jewishness?


Despite his reluctance to give up his prized green, the Rabbi conceded over the course of the week-end since he had Josh, Baz and Aimpots looking for hand-outs.
Rabbi Simpson said in response to these allegations ' No no' followed by
'Well eh, ye know, eh I have to keep mine for going home, or else these vultures will devour it!' - He was right...poor Simps...no grass...and revealing that he has no foreskin...shame.



Kinda two tone eh Kris...

Barry drives away another.

Alas Barry and his legendary odour have driven away Scotty, another beloved flatmate.
The list is quite substantial now eh Baz?

Went round to the flat just after Scott took flight and was astounded at the emptiness! All that is left is books, Cd's, DVDs and of course Barry's grimey odour - what a dirty bastard!

The other day Ally, Josh and myself threw caution to the wind and ventured inside Barry's hovel; the mission was to repair Baz's viral infected dirt machine that once could be described as a computer. We appear to have restored the system to a point before it got fucked up but it was still a bit menstrual. However, it was when we tried to clean the exterior of dirt machine that we realized that Barry's grime digs itself deeper when you try to clean it.
This may be the break through we have been looking for! Barry showers obsessivly but his grime is wash resistant - that's why he always stinks!!!



Remember Scott, Tuesdays or Fridays.
Save journey, Take care, Drive safe now, God speed...

Ally struck down with Bird Flu

During his foray on the west-coast the minds of the local residence were put at ease when Ally was struck down with an unknown disease that has since been described as bird-flu (though only by knowless). This deadly disease that turned him yellow led Ally straight to hospital, though the hospital staff were clueless to the true identity of this master-criminal and therefore endangered all the patients by placing him in public wards. One of his fellow patients is rumoured to have recognised Thomo and tried to make his escape under cover of darkness at 2am, his failed attempt to escape on a train to Weedgieville may have been his undoing. Many people are known to have died while Ally was staying there, coincidence?

He even came back East to appear in court and managed to slip through the authorities fingers yet again when his plea of Not Guilty was accepted by a flustered and amaturish PF. While the Martin's sentence was defered for background reports though his charge was reduced significantly.

Despite his weakened state and strong medical advice not to touch booze for a while.
Ally, Kris and Tez toasted a day out at the court at the pub.

Barry Banner aka The Hulk.

After a brief description of one of Barry's tantrums, I think it is apt to discuss Dr. Barry's Mr. Hyde persona.

After an sudden inspection of the flat the landlord commented about the hole in Barry's door. Barry is famed not only for his childish sulks but also for smashing his but especially other peoples stuff (including several doors, walls, and windows) with his bare hands. You see, Baz can not control his temper he's like a spoiled child who doesn't get his way. Punching walls, slamming doors, throwing objects in frustration and anger.

Poof...

Teenage tantrums.

The dirty Barry was up to his old tricks again, the child that he is. Teenage tantrums...

The lovely Debster (who by-the-way is to good for this dirty grimey bastard) revealed that tonight Barry Dirt came within a baw-hair of going home single.

You see Debs in a pretence hug of Barry had pickpocketed his tobacco, then (the professional that she is) passed it to a pal. Baz then through a teenage tantrum (what a dick!) and almost reduced his misguided burd to tears...

Though at least he realises that he is a dick... then apologised, and again we are seduced by the sweet talking charms of this disgrace of a human* being, until next time.



*still not confirmed.

WANTED

Notorious criminal on the loose - Alisdair Thomson


There has been unconfirmed reports that this maniac is roaming free somewhere on the west coast of Scotland.

If you see him please do not approach him, he is currently on bail for some apauling crimes to the public and is therefore presumably dangerous.

Road to stardom.

Born Matt Bowman on the 7th January 1967, in Swindon.

Barry discovered music at 11 when he became a rockabilly fan.

In 1985 he stepped on stage at London's Comedy Store and has continued to perform stand up ever since.

In Autumn 1996 he took part in the sell out national tour of Shooting Stars.

He has appeared on many television shows, and worked as a presenter on the Big Breakfast (C4), The Word (C4) and The Series From Hell (BBC2) as well as being team captain on the award-winning Shooting Stars (BBC2) and hosting Never Mind The Buzzcocks (BBC2).

Barry has previously presented a series of programmes about America on C4 called Planet Showbiz and has also presented the nightly BBC2 arts programme, Edinburgh Nights, live from the Edinburgh Festival.

Barry has presented several radio shows including The Barry Dirt Show (GLR), Fabulous (Radio 5), Vibe (Radio 5) and Big In Japan (Radio 1). He is currently presenting Shake Rattle and Roll on Radio 2.

Baz is particularly fond of ska, reggae and soul, and his favourite band is Public Enemy.

Cheat Mode...

Barry you dirty cheating bastard!!!

I'm currently hurting from 2 defeats at the hands of the scumbag (Fifa '05).
Though it has to be said the shameless Bazzter scored most of his goals using 'cheat mode'*
Then in the 3rd and final match of the evening, Barry gets a man sent off in the first half............ - what a cunt!
The bawbag knew he'd get whipped in his last match so he sabotaged it the cunning devil...
It's 12.30am and it's deserted! Josh and Barry have gone to bed and naeb'dae else is aboot.

Josh you lazy cunt.

*For those who are unaware, cheat mode is scoring from set-plays. Barry is a master..... - he practises alot on his own.